Trust: The Foundation of Relationship
While many think the most important ingredient in any relationships is love, this could not be further from the truth. The most important ingredient in any and all relationships is trust. While Jesus said to love God with all the heart, mind, soul and body He was speaking of the house—the visible structure— of relationship, yet every house, no matter how well built will crumble without the foundation—the unseen, assumed part— of trust.
St Paul put it this way: “For without faith it is impossible to please God.”[1]Without faith in God, there is no relationship, lack of trust is a deal breaker every time.
When Jesus said, “love your neighbor” He never said I had to trust my neighbor. When I love him, my love is without expectation of reciprocity, yet, that is not relationship in the same way I am to experience it with my family, my church, and most importantly, God.
A young man can tell the young lady he is courting he loves her all day long, but what her father really wants to know before he gives her away is, can he be trusted? To what extent? For how long? “Love” blows in the wind, first one way then the other but only trust makes the relationship permanent. Any father not scrutinizing the worthiness—trustworthiness—of any suitor coming for his daughter, is not a good father and is setting her up for failure; her failure is his failure.
If you wonder why in the Garden, God put that infamous Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil within Adam’s reach, it was because if Adam was to have any relationship with God, he had to be tested to see if he was worthy—trustworthy—of all he had been bequeathed. Copiously endowed with immeasurable powers, Lucifer had already proved himself unworthy—untrustworthy of God’s gratuities.
“Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity” (Matthew 7:22-3).
To know someone, is to know you can trust them—or not. Knowing someone and trusting them go hand –in-hand. If you do not know, you cannot trust. In the biblical context, knowing is not just remembering facts, but experiential knowledge. For Adam, to “know” his wife was to experience her; then she conceived. To trust someone is to know then that they have proven themselves worthy—trustworthy—of your trust. People can tell you all kinds of things about someone, but ultimately trust will come—or not—through experience. You cannot trust someone you never see or have experience with.
“Show Me Your Face”
As God’s chosen governor of His people, Moses said to God, “Show me Your face. Stop hiding from me.” (Exodus 33:12-3, paraphrased). To this God replied, “You may not see My face—not yet, not now, but in the future everybody will see My Face—you may see only My backside for now.” (Again, my paraphrase). Why would Moses want to see God’s face? It was about trust. God was giving Moses directives right and left, yet he felt this “God” of Israel was too remote, too far removed. Moses did not know this God well enough to know if it was even safe to get near Him. In his mind, he was thinking, “If I could just see His Face, then I would know Him. I might trust Him.”
But that has all changed. In the incarnation, God not only gives us His Face, but also His hands and feet into which nails were driven. My problems are His problems, my liabilities are now His liabilities, and my illnesses are His illnesses. This is unfathomable commitment. This is the very essence of trust.
Because of the incarnation, Christ rules not just as Son of God and Creator of all things, but also Son of Man; His rule is based in trust: we trust Him because He is One of us and can be “touched by the feelings of our infirmities.”[2] In the half-dome icon you see the Holy Mother of God seated on a throne with the Christ-child on her lap. The image is clear. She, having given Him His Humanity, is that throne upon which she sits and He rules. She and the throne are one; she provides the cosmological platform to rule men as Man. Without this throne in and of the human race, His governance—while fully valid—would amount to tyranny because we would be ruled by a God and not a Man.
Through the Holy Virgin mediating God and Man in her very body, she qualifies, equips, and enables Christ to be Our King Who rules us as one of us and not someone far removed. Not only is God one of us, He makes us one with Him.
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Where Are Our Living Icons of Christ?
It’s been years since we last saw our bishop in our parish. As I can recall, it was January 2015 with the blessing of the waters on top of Monarch pass. I have the selfie on my Facebook page of the bishop, my wife, and I. When bishops come, we always take lots of pictures with them. We never know if we will see them again in our lifetime.
A crass observation: the behavior of too many of our bishops reminds me of a divorced father who fights in court for his share of joint custody, only to then never show up for any birthday parties, graduation ceremonies, or Christmas dinners. Too many parishes almost never saw their bishops, even before COVID. Now things are even worse.
Like American society in general, the Church is facing a crisis of fatherlessness. Many children grow up with no father under the same roof, just as many Orthodox grow in the faith with little to no contact with their bishops. This lack of relationship is creating a Christian form of separation anxiety disorder, a condition characterized by ever increasing distrust and suspicion for our bishops. We hear their words, but never see their faces or directly experience their presence.
Orthodox parish priests are not the “family father-figure” that everybody looks to in times of crisis. Priests are more of an older brother or, perhaps, a steward sent to govern on behalf of the real father-figure. It is from our bishop we derive our shared parish identity, legitimization as true Orthodox, and a sense of stability. Our bishop anchors our parish to the Rock of Christ and the Apostolic Tradition. In the brilliance of the Apostolic Fathers, every single parish was to have a living breathing icon of Christ, without which there can be no Church.
Our icon is now almost invisible. Has anyone seen him? Can anyone tell us how he fairs? Is he well? Does he think about us? Pray for us? We don’t know, because we never hear from him unless COVID protocols change, and then only by way of a letter published in the Sunday bulletin.
The Church is a family, not a social organization or a business corporation. The church functions on relationships, not naked chain of command. When our relationship with our father, our icon of Christ, devolves into a chain of command, trust is the first thing to die. We are ruled by someone we do not know. Someone remote whose face we have not seen. Someone who is not one of us.
Fathering is very similar in the home and in the Church. The first and most important rule of successful fathering, as any mom can tell you, is showing up. We must re-establish a relationship with one another so that they may rule us fairly and we may follow the leadership of men we know and trust.
John, a member of the Orthodox Church in America from Colorado
[1] Hebrews 11:6
[2] Hebrews 4:15
The laity must take the churches back from those clergy who have proven themselves unworthy, as in the days of Donatus.
There are a number of things in this article I disagree with. For example “Orthodox parish priests are not the “family father-figure” that everybody looks to in times of crisis. Priests are more of an older brother or, perhaps, a steward sent to govern on behalf of the real father-figure.”
I totally disagree. It is the exact opposite. The priest is on the front line. He is the one we confess our sins to and look to for direction. Maybe none of the Bishops in the west, at least in North America are being father figures.
And then the outrageous statement “His governance—while fully valid—would amount to tyranny because we would be ruled by a God and not a Man.” So to our first parents, Adam and Eve, God was a tyrant? When David sinned God gave him a choice: be judged by me (God)or be judged by another human. David chose God. He expected greater leniency from his creator who is called ‘Father’ first of all, than he did from any human. So, who did he view as a tyrant? Christ God, in suffering all things in common with us is viewed as a brother, not a father.
It may be best if the writer avoids theological exegesis and stick to reporting facts. We carbon unit earthlings have more than enough on our plate at the moment, navigating through the fake pandemic, the submission of God’s Church and what is soon to come.
Hi Craig, Actually, I would not disagree with you. Let us start with common ground: we both agree that fathers are important and that every parish needs a father-figure. In many cases, the local priest is functionally the father-figure as you say (actually, I appreciate your awareness of this issue). But here is the problem: even when the priest is the father-figure, he does not set the rules for COVID: the bishop hiding in the basement does. For me, that behavior is problematic and, of course, not all bishops behave this way. My point in writing the article was to get the bishops out of hiding–which many are and to only make edicts after seeing things first hand, talking with parishioners like you first. They are making life altering changes for parishes without their input. Perhaps in your case, the bishop is a grand-father-figure; or in many cases priests/ parishioners would rather never see the bishop; that’s a problem as well and does not model the classic Church. As to our first parents, God–as you say–was not a tyrant but visited them-came in on the wind-regularly; every morning. In their primal state, God was their Father as He was ever close (here we agree). And when they sinned, it was He Who came looking for them; before the fall God was their Father and was very close. As for David, functionally, God was his Father as you say, as fathers meet out discipline (here, again we agree). You are making my point that bishops are not modeling Father-God very well. As to theological exegesis, this is not a theological article, its a relational article. During this time of pandemic, parishes need the bishops and priests (in unity) to guide the sheep properly–which cannot be done from a distance. Bishops making decisions need to do it on site with insight rather than from a distance; this is a leadership blunder that is alienating far too many. Historically, in the manner that the Church expanded, apostles/bishops planted churches and were by definition the founding-father of that parish even when it was managed by an appointed presbyter (elder (eldest) among the members). Historically, my scenario holds true; bishops planted churches, elder brothers managed them in his absence. But as you say (again, you make my point) functionally, the local priest is the father-figure (and that is great) but, again, he does not make the protocols. As far as the pandemic: I totally agree, it is a manufactured fake 100%. And our bishops need to sort this better for the people; but they should not try to do that from a basemen hideout. In summary; Yeah, I hear you loud and clear and your points follow my concerns.